My Root Chakra

The story my Root Chakra wants to share

I am an identical twin and that was one of the first things that came to my mind when I studied the Root Chakra. The fact that I was born as part of two people who were treated as one. I never really set my own roots in early childhood.  I was very dependent of that other ‘half’ of me. We were dressed alike, always together and shared everything. I depended on my twin for security and survival.  I always had strong intuition, but at times doubted myself. My family home was chaotic. My father had a temper so we were careful not to rock the boat. I got really sick from the mumps when I was 18 months old and developed meningitis so my immune system was challenged at a young age.  I had chronic ear infections and was very mellow most of the time. I always had a sluggish root chakra in that I never really developed strong roots, sense of security or stability.  We moved just about every year to every other year until I was 11 years old.

I experienced sexual abuse more than once from different people.  I wondered why I had to experience all of that. I felt like I was to always supposed to do what I’m told.  I never really thought for myself or put myself first. My root chakra never really felt like a sacred area or even anything to be proud of.  I never talked about it, acknowledged it or tried to heal from it. I stuffed it and moved on. By the time we settled down at 12 years old and developed a real sense of community, I was able to start to develop my own identity.  My sister and I fought a lot more and I was making my own friends. I was drifting apart from my sister in order to find out who I was and how to stand on my own two feet.

I had started to become my own person, but lacked self confidence and worthiness.  My boyfriend cheated on me constantly, but I didn’t want to be alone.  My root chakra was still very dim.  I was single for a while when I met my husband and felt like I was becoming stronger and deserved to wait for the right person.  When we met it was like love at first sight. I knew he was the man I was meant to be with. He came over to pick me up for our first date.  He stood at the bottom of the stairs as I started to make my way down.  I slipped on the first step and my ass hit every step on the way down breaking my tailbone in the process.  I lay there at his feet curled up in a ball crying my eyes out.  90% was from the intense pain and 10% was from total embarrassment.  He was so sweet about it and we decided to try for a second date. My friggen ass hurt for months!  My root chakra trying to tell me something?? My pregnancy with my daughter was wonderful. I had a very healthy one throughout.  John and I were not really together. We found out I was pregnant after we broke up. He wanted us to live together through the birth of our daughter so that he could take care of me and make sure I had everything I needed. I was very independent during that time and going to nursing school.  My root chakra was feeling stronger and that’s what I needed subconsiously. To have a healthy delivery and bring a child into my heart. This was easier when I focused on myself and my own growth. At the time I didn’t catch on. My pregnancy with my son was a completely different story. I was working 40 hours a week at a doctor’s office, went into preterm labor at 30 weeks and ended up on bedrest with a two year old at home.  I was completely dependent on other people and didn’t feel very good about myself. Later I developed an oversized boggy uterus and multiple symptomatic ovarian cysts. My husband was a full blown alcoholic, I was having a hard time balancing work, home and two kids and I wasn’t doing anything for self fullfillment or personal growth. Sadly I ended up with a complete hysterectomy because I just couln’t cope. I didn’t trust my body.  My root chakra was very unhealthy at that time since my life was in constant chaos with no security. I was living far from my family and never felt like I belonged in the community we were in.

These are the stories my root chakra showed me during meditation.  Which brought me to awakening this past summer and I’m just realizing that it all started in my root chakra.  The healing journey began as I started to face the trauma in each energy center of my body.

I was miserable at my job due to a toxic working environment.  I was physically sick and completely exhausted. My husband was working long hours and was struggling with his sobriety.  I lost both parents within a year and am in charge of the estate. My son was diagnosed with bipolar and struggling with daily living.  At the same time my daughter was battling a life altering autoimmune disease.  I had felt the distance growing from both of my parents extended families and I didn’t know how to fix it. I was in a crisis. A complicated grieving process. I knew I needed some help. I started art therapy and some alternative healing methods like color therapy and trying to uncover some possible childhood trauma.  That’s when I acknowledged the abuse I had endured. Before my mother died, my sister had said something about it to our parents about what had happened to me.  My mother asked me if it had really happened and I told her no. I couldn’t tell her that while she was dying. I didn’t want to bring her any more pain she was already suffering. I realize now that when someone asks you an important question then they are ready to hear the answer.  But I had never before uttered those words. I’ve never even written it down. If I could do it over again I would tell her the truth. In fact I have told her out loud after she crossed over. I’m thankful that the angels were there to help her through it. Once I faced that truth and stopped feeling shame I started to pray. I acknowledged the bullshit I had been put me through over the years.  I stood up for myself and what I knew was best for me. I told certain people that they were not allowed to control me or give me guilt trips anymore if they wanted to maintain a close relationship with me. I also spent quite a while in bed ‘recovering’. I did a lot of nonverbal work in therapy that seemed to unleash my subconcious. Then one day I felt this huge surge of energy. I felt this need to find my true self. My purpose in this life and to connect with my soul.  I found myself wanting to be outside in nature more. I would go out and put my bare feet in the grass and sometimes just lay there sinking into mother earth. This was far from my regular routine. My husband said, what the hell are you doing? I’ve never seen you do that before. It started with the door opening to my root chakra. The root of my pain and suffering. I’m on the road to healing and finding my true passion and soul purpose.  

As I typed this the song Amazing Grace came on. My mom’s favorite song. I stopped, raised my hands and felt pure love and gratitude.

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